“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” Mark Twain

Parents undergo an interesting development throughout our lives. In the beginning, they are our whole world, perfect individuals who offer us safety from the big world. At some point their flaws begin to show, and by our teenage years they are usually so imperfect we can hardly believe we share the same genes. Slowly, we begin to come around and find that maybe they did know better after all.

Maybe.

I’ve seen a few articles about things people wish they knew when they were younger. A very common one is a wish to have listened to their parents more. While I think that can be sound advice, I do think there are exceptions. I have met alcoholic parents, abusive parents, or parents who simply have other things going on in their lives and cannot or do make their children a priority. I’m not entirely sure they are as chock full of wisdom as these articles would make out all parents to be.

Personally, I wish I had not listened to my parents. They did a lot of things out of concern for me, yes, but they did not always make the best choices. I was forced many times down paths that made me miserable, and worse, was told to stay there. They wanted me to be tough and strong, but in a “safe” place. In doing so, they deprived me of many opportunities.

Now it’s not all their fault by any means. I made some choices, too. Plus, there’s no way to know for sure that my life would have been better had I chosen to go against their wishes and follow my own heart. But I think the idea of always listening to your parents can be a bit too cut and dry.

I think a better lesson, and one I would have told myself when I was 22 and fresh out of college, is this: Parents are human. They are capable of doing really wonderful things, but also make mistakes. They have their own set of emotions, experiences, opinions, lessons, failures, and successes. There are some things that they have learned from experience. There are other things that they have no possible way of knowing.

That doesn’t mean they should be ignored. I do think their opinions should be valued and respected (as long as they’re within reason). But I also believe, as a rather negligent parent one said, “This above all, to thine own self be true.” Sometimes being too obedient to anyone, even a parent, can hinder progression. So as with all things, consider their advice, but use your own good judgment. Even the mistakes and failures that they desperately want us to avoid can be the very things to make us stronger, more mature, and ultimately happier.