A few months ago I read an article that bothered me. Really, only one word bothered me. But it has stuck with me for some time now.

Apparently, at a roast for James Franco, comedian Jonah Hill added some jibes at Sarah Silverman, mostly about her age. While Sarah claimed to be on friendly terms with all the comedians and defended their right to make jokes at her expense, she did admit that the jokes hurt her. While I understand that, one comment she did make bothered me: “As soon as a woman gets to an age where she has opinions, and she’s vital and she’s strong, she’s systematically shamed….”

Strong?

Now don’t get me wrong. I do understand that Silverman does have an argument as far as ageism goes in the entertainment industry. While I think things are improving, that’s my outsider view, and even from there I can see many of the difficulties women in the industry face. I’m also sure that in order to be as successful as she is, Silverman has had to be tough and overcome many obstacles.

What I object to is her use of the word “strong”. I object to it because it seems to have become synonymous with another word: mean.

Like many comedians, Silverman has built her reputation on making fun of things that most people consider to be sensitive subjects. I’ve never been a fan of such comedians. I’m one of those who consider sensitive subjects to be just that. And I don’t think being able to treat them with a certain amount of disdain makes you “strong” or more “honest”. It just makes you irreverent…which is fine, just don’t flaunt it as a virtue.

Unfortunately, too often lately I hear the word “strong” used when people are abrasive, rude, or inconsiderate. I’m not just talking about woman either….men like Chris Christie are applauded for being “tough” and “strong” when they call people idiots or tell people to stop talking. I don’t quite understand it. I personally don’t find being loud and insensitive to be indicative of strength. In fact, I believe quite the opposite.

Winston Churchill once said, “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” I believe that exactly sums up true strength. It doesn’t mean one has to take everything lying down. Sometimes it is necessary to speak up to defend what is right. But that does not mean steamrolling everyone else in an effort to get one’s message across or shooting down anyone who threatens to object. It means having mutual respect for oneself and others. I believe it also means holding back when words are more hurtful than helpful.

In this world, when children feel bullied into committing suicide and people are still fighting for civil rights, I don’t think we need people who know the right words to speak. Kind words, words that build us up and make this world a better place, words that invite people who are silent to speak.

Words that give true strength.